


poems on your skin

by archivedjemily



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/F, Maybe some angst, Mutual Pining, They love each other, all the things basically bc theres literally 76 different types of kisses on this list, and even if there are tears there are 75 other prompts that will be happy, and happy endings, breakups!, but you know me, fights!, i love yous!, okay, so lots of emotions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 08:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25720060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archivedjemily/pseuds/archivedjemily
Summary: a collection of stand alone one-shots based on a list of 76 different types of kisses. jj/emily.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 69
Kudos: 215





	1. 'good morning' kiss

**Author's Note:**

> glad you're here :)

JJ opened and closed her eyes, slowly taking in the light that was filtering through cracked curtains, bathing the large room in a warm glow. The sheets wrapped around her body were nicer than anything she would ever buy for herself, and when she stretched her limbs she felt a hand resting around her bare stomach. 

Her eyes flew open at the feeling, and subsequent realization that she had no clothes on. The night before came rushing back, and her cheeks flushed as she remembered exactly where she was, and who she was with. 

_ Emily. _

A slow smile spread across her face as she relaxed back into the bed and body behind her, moving her hand to rest on top of slender fingers. Her momentary confusion was replaced by a warm wave of admiration and awe, and something else that JJ couldn’t quite place.  _ Love? _

The thought sent a shiver down her spine, the movement causing the brunette attached to her to stir. Worried that any movement or words would burst the magic of the moment she was feeling, JJ stilled. 

Now that she knew what it felt like to be in Emily’s arms, what it felt like to share intimate moments and secret words, JJ knew that she wouldn’t be able to handle a rejection if Emily had changed her mind.

When she felt the older woman’s arms tighten around her, their fingers tangling together, the blonde gathered up the courage to turn around. She was met with a shy smile, and dark eyes filled with so much awe that she sucked in a quick breath. 

Heads resting on one pillow, they let a thousand emotions pass between the two of them. They had spent a lot of time knocking down each other’s walls, and now that they were finally here,  _ together _ , neither of them could believe it. 

_ Finally. _

Emily moved first, bringing her hand up to push stray blonde hair behind JJ’s ears, letting her thumb linger on a soft cheek. She applied just enough pressure to let JJ know what she wanted, and their lips met. 

Neither of them had ever known safety like they felt in this moment. It felt right, and unconditional. Like the whole world had been waiting for this moment to slide its last piece into place. 

JJ pulled back, placing a sweet kiss to Emily’s nose before whispering  _ good morning _ to the woman beside her. She moved her body slightly so she could tuck her face into the slope of Emily’s neck, placing a gentle kiss on the collarbone she found there before winding her arms tightly around the brunette’s body. 

She felt, more than heard, Emily whisper a good morning into her hair, feeling a soft kiss land on her forehead before the brunette pulled JJ in as close as she could physically manage. They stayed there, wrapped in the comfort of each other for hours, whispering words of disbelief and joy, and dreams of the life they were starting together. 

It was their first morning of forever, and they could hardly wait.


	2. forehead kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a collection of one-shots based on a list of 76 different types of kisses. jj/emily.

Emily sat on the firm couch of the jet reading over a case report, JJ dozing quietly on the other end with her legs tucked up beneath her. The lights were dim, and most of the team was scattered and sprawled, finding sleep that had been elusive the past few days. 

It had been a long week for all of them. It seemed like they were losing a lot more than winning lately, the gravity of their jobs weighing heavily on each of them. Emily was proud of their team, of the work they did. She also knew that they needed a break. 

She heard a small whimper come from the other end of the couch, head turning to check on JJ. Emily let her worried eyes soften their gaze into a one full of admiration and love as she took in the sleeping blonde.

The past few months had been especially hard on JJ, having just recently made her separation with Will official. They had agreed that Will would move back to New Orleans, getting the boys for some of the summer, but JJ had gotten full custody. There hadn’t been a night that Emily or Penelope hadn’t stayed over since Will had left, both of them wanting the blonde to know she wasn’t alone. 

At first, they had made excuses to stay the night. Always having one too many glasses of wine, or staying just a little too late to want to drive home. JJ had caught on quickly, but having two boys under the age of six was enough reason for her to feign obliviousness at their antics. 

As weeks went on, Penelope stayed less and less. Emily always insisted that since she and JJ had the most similar schedules, she should be the one to stay, leaving Penelope free to stay with the boys when the team had to travel. 

The brunette had essentially taken up residence in the guest room, little trinkets and personal items littered the room. Her things were in the drawers, clothes hanging in the closet. The bed remained pristine though, Emily opting to end every night sitting in JJ’s bed, decompressing as they had done for years of girl’s nights and sleepovers. Something had changed though, over the last month. Their talks had gotten deeper, their shared looks tinged with a touch of longing that neither could put words to, every interaction more meaningful than they had been in the past.

Emily felt protective of the blonde, she always had, but the ache that appeared in her chest whenever she watched JJ walk out into the field was new. The joy she felt watching JJ do meaningless tasks was also new. Even now, watching the blonde sleep, she couldn’t help the smile that crossed her face. 

When JJ whimpered again, Emily shook herself out of her own thoughts and reached out towards the blonde. Her hand came to rest on JJ’s sock-covered foot, shoes having been kicked off hours ago, and she moved her thumb slowly over the exposed skin at her ankle. 

Emily watched as JJ slowly pulled herself from whatever horrors she had been with in her dreams, eyes opening slowly to meet Emily’s gaze. Still shaking off the remnants of her dream, JJ smiled softly at Emily, an unspoken thank you for waking her up before things got too bad. 

She swung her legs off the couch, maintaining eye contact as she moved her body until their sides met, JJ sitting flush against the older woman. Emily eyed her curiously, elated that JJ had moved closer, but confused all the same. This type of physical affection was commonplace after hours - they had spent many nights over the last few months finding comfort in each other’s arms within the safe walls of JJ’s home. Publicly though, they had remained as platonic as ever.

After a moment’s hesitation, JJ pulled at the blanket that was resting on the back of the couch, spreading it out to cover them both. She tucked her legs up next to her, leaning her body into Emily’s. JJ moved to carefully close the case report and toss it on the table next to them, before snaking an arm around Emily’s waist. 

“It’ll still be there when we get back,” she whispered to Emily. “Get some rest.” 

Emily felt JJ’s head come to rest on her chest, the blonde’s breath evening out quickly as she slipped back into sleep. The brunette couldn’t stop herself from letting her fingers run through JJ’s hair, enjoying the intimacy of the moment. 

She felt JJ let out a small hum into her chest as the younger woman felt Emily’s fingers at her scalp, a smile crossing her face that JJ’s whimpers had turned into this because of her. Before she could stop herself, Emily bowed her head and placed a gentle kiss to JJ’s forehead, lingering for a moment before resting her cheek on top of blonde hair. She could feel JJ smile into her chest, the blonde’s arms tightening around her waist as she sank further into Emily. 

Emily could swear she felt JJ press a kiss of her own to the fabric at her collarbone. She knew it would be hours before they were back home, and JJ was right, the world would still be full of case reports and evil when they got home. But right here, curled up on the couch with the woman she was probably in love with, Emily decided she deserved to rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed! this one was sweet! i like to explore things when they aren't already established too! 
> 
> next up.... drunk kiss!


	3. drunk/sloppy kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a collection of one-shots based on a list of 76 different types of kisses. jj/emily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy to see you again :') hope you enjoy!!

Spread throughout the hot, sticky bar, the BAU team was enjoying a rare night away from the office. They had left the bureau a few hours earlier, opting to make the short drive over to their favorite spot for some dinner and drinks, and conversations that had nothing to do with death. 

Most of the team sat at a few high-top tables, perched on their seats and leaning in towards each other, enamored with the way Penelope was recounting a theatre production she had recently been in. 

Emily and JJ had left the table as Pen had started her story, having been at their friend’s performance and experiencing it all first hand. Already more drinks in than they would care to admit, the pair stumbled slightly towards the bar. 

Letting Emily stand closer to the counter to catch the attention of the bartender and ask for new drinks, JJ felt herself sway. Needing some stability, she rested her forehead against Emily’s shoulder, taking deep breaths as she tried to control the warm buzz she was feeling. 

It was early summer, so Emily had opted for a tanktop under her blazer today, and JJ smiled thankfully as she turned her head to rest her cheek on soft skin. She closed her eyes, and when the room started to spin, JJ reached out a hand and confidently placed it on Emily’s hip, needing something to anchor herself. 

JJ knew she probably shouldn’t have another, but she liked the fog her mind was in. She felt bold, and was enjoying the way her body felt pressed up against Emily’s back. Sober JJ would have stepped back, put a respectable amount of space between them, but that version of her was long gone. 

She could feel the vibration of Emily’s voice from where her cheek met the brunette’s back, only vaguely processing the words she was hearing. A few minutes later she felt Emily moved to turn around, their new drinks in either hand.

Emily gave a tender laugh as she watched the blonde stand up to her full height again. The blonde didn’t take her hand off of Emily’s hip though, something the older woman took note of with a smile. Sensing that JJ needed a minute to get her bearings again, she dragged the small woman over to a booth in the corner, letting JJ move into the bench that sat facing away from the rest of the bar. 

She felt JJ’s hand slide under the fabric of her shirt and across the skin of her lower back as she slid in beside her. The blonde’s fingers felt like fire across Emily’s smooth skin, sending a shiver down her spine. Emily liked this version of JJ. This version of the blonde came with slow smiles and lingering touches, warmer and bolder than she was before a few drinks. 

This version caused Emily’s chest to tighten with longing everytime the younger woman draped herself over the older woman, wishing that this was their reality outside of bars and clubs. Emily wanted early mornings, and slow afternoons with the blonde, not just crowded bars and sweaty booths away from prying eyes. 

For now though, she knew there was no way she could ever remove herself from JJ’s touch, leaning into the hand resting on her back. She shifted herself to face the blond fully, setting an elbow down on the table. Emily rested her head in her hand, only a few inches separating her from the younger woman next to her. 

Their eyes met, and Emily let out a soft laugh at the state of the blonde. She could tell JJ had already had enough to drink, but knew her well enough to know that there was no way she would cut herself off or leave before anyone else. 

“What are you laughing at,” came out of JJ’s mouth in a low murmur, stumbling slightly through the question. 

“You,” Emily responded simply, a smirk making its way onto her face as she let out another small laugh. JJ stuck a tongue out in response, giving a laugh of her own before moving her forehead to rest on the slope of Emily’s neck. 

The blonde blinked slowly, letting the world fade away, and took in a deep breath. JJ loved the way Emily smelled, having stolen more t-shirts than probably acceptable from her over the last few years. She loved to slip one on before bed, letting herself be surrounded in the scent as she drifted off, only ever returning them when they smelled more like her own bed than Emily’s. 

Forgetting what they had even been talking about, JJ was snapped back to reality when she realized her mouth was laying against pale skin. Her whole world was condensed down into the small booth they were sitting in, and she couldn’t stop herself from placing an open mouth kiss to the brunette’s collarbone. 

She felt Emily suck in a breath, and a hand move quickly into the blonde’s hair in surprise. Riding the wave of courage she was feeling, coupled with the fact that Emily hadn’t pulled away, JJ continued her assault. JJ slowly moved her mouth towards Emily’s jawline, leaving a wet, hot trail in her wake. Kissing her way down the sharp angles of Emily’s face, she moved her mouth towards the brunette’s. 

_ Emily would have already pulled away if she didn’t want this,  _ was the last thought she had before she moved to close the tiny gap between them. 

JJ was shocked when Emily moved her face away, blue eyes opening quickly as she took in the confused look in front of her. Panic shot through JJ’s body, the only slight relief coming when she realized she could always blame the alcohol. Even in her drunken state, JJ was sure that the look flashing across Emily’s face was one of fear, but before she could question anything, Emily spoke.

“Not if you won’t still mean it in the morning,” she heard the older woman say, and the simple statement lit every nerve in JJ’s body on fire. 

In that moment, JJ was sure that her shock and joy and relief could be felt by anyone in the bar. Her momentary heartbreak was replaced by pure elation, and she placed both hands gently on Emily’s cheeks. When their eyes met, JJ could see the hesitance in Emily’s, sure that the brunette was preparing herself for the heartbreak of a drunk mistake. 

“I mean it,” JJ whispered, stroking her thumbs slowly across cheekbones, hoping that Emily could hear the sincerity in her words. It felt like the whole world stopped for a few seconds, everything reduced down to the tiny booth they were sitting in. Emily’s face still held a cautious look, scrutinizing the words she had just heard. 

When her lips stretched into a broad smile, the blonde couldn’t help but pull Emily towards her and close the last bit of space between them. Their mouths met with wide smiles, Emily moving first to pull JJ’s bottom lip between her teeth, following the tug with a soothing pass of her tongue. 

The kiss was slow and sweet, filled with promises and hope. It felt like comfort and ease, like something inevitable had finally come to pass. Minutes passed, neither of them wanting to part for more than a moment, before a loud round of laughter from their friends across the bar broke them out of their little world.

Foreheads resting against each other, they shared a knowing smile. Emily moved away first to step out of the booth, reaching a hand out towards JJ. She helped the blonde slide out after her, pulling their bodies flush and bringing the blonde in for one more, deep kiss before tangling their fingers and walking towards the front door. 

Unspoken excitement crackled between them, both eager to spend time getting to know each other without the constraints of a platonic friendship. Not caring that the rest of their team was watching them leave together, they walked out of the bar. 

When they woke up the next morning, bodies tangled together in the middle of Emily’s soft bed, it felt more natural than anything in the world. 

“I still mean it,” JJ whispered towards the brunette next to her, sliding an arm around Emily and pulling her in closer. She watched as any hesitation or fear of rejection from the night before vanished, being replaced with admiration and  _ love?  _

JJ was certain that nothing would ever bring her more joy than the smile that spread on Emily’s face at her statement, and she knew then that she would spend the rest of her life trying to put a smile like that on the older woman’s face. 

_ You better _ , were the last words she heard before Emily rolled on top of her with a laugh. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love u mean it!


	4. awkward kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hehe this is sweet, a tad angsty, but we get there.

JJ had been watching Emily closely all night. They had only been officially dating for a few months, and tonight they were making their first public appearance at one of the Ambassador’s events. 

Everyone important to them already knew, had been relieved that the two had finally stopped running long enough to find each other. Emily’s mother was a different story. 

She had always been dismissive of Emily’s attraction to girls, and was sure that her daughter was just trying to do anything she could to spite her. As the years had gone on, she had stayed apathetic towards her daughter’s love life, taking a ‘ _ don’t ask, don’t tell _ ’ approach. 

The three women had exchanged a few words of polite greeting when they had arrived a few hours ago, before Emily had grabbed JJ’s hand and quickly whisked her away towards the other side of the vast ballroom. 

They were both dressed to the nines- floor length gowns and tasteful jewelry highlighting all of their features. The image of them together, with their comfortable touches and soft smiles, drew the attention of almost everyone in the room. 

Something was off, though, and JJ could sense it. Emily’s entire being was radiating anxiety, and the younger woman could see the tension she was holding in her jaw and shoulders. She was always like this when her mother was around, could never seem to shed the weight of expectations that had held her down her whole life. 

They had been having fun, Emily introducing JJ to some people around their age that were also children of diplomats. All of them were kind, each regaling stories of a wild teenage Emily that had them all laughing by the end. They were protective over Emily, who seemed to be the youngest of their little group, and JJ felt her heart surge that the brunette had at least had some people looking out for her over the years. 

It wasn’t until an older man had come to say hello to Emily that things had taken a turn. He had seemed nice enough at first, congratulating Emily on her position with the BAU, and introducing himself to JJ as one of Ambassador Prentiss’ colleagues. 

Then he had noticed the way Emily’s hand still rested on JJ’s lower back, his tone changing immediately to one laced with condescension and disappointment. Emily caught the change, quickly dropping her hand from JJ’s back and stepping away from the blonde. 

As he walked away, JJ pulled Emily over to the side of the room to a high top table, setting their things down slowly and running a hand down Emily’s arm. The brunette’s eyes seemed distant still, scanning the room, seeming to be making a mental list of everyone she knew. 

“Hey,” JJ said softly, squeezes Emily’s hand to get her attention. 

Emily turned her head slowly, with a smile on her face that seemed sad and forced. For all the boldness she carried around on a daily basis, all JJ could see now was a child that had never known unconditional love, and she felt her chest clench at the thought. 

She couldn’t stop herself from pulling Emily in closer, lifting up her free hand to run her thumb softly across a pale cheek, and touch her lips to the older woman’s. She felt Emily stiffen, every muscle in the brunette’s body going rigid. 

She pressed her lips into Emily’s again, hoping to ease some of the anxiety that JJ knew was coursing through Emily. Instead she was met once again with uncomfortable stillness from her girlfriend, not quite the reaction she had been hoping for. 

JJ pulled back slightly, watching Emily shift awkwardly in her heels, before stepping back a few feet. She had never been unsure of herself in their relationship, had always felt safe and confident in what they shared. Emily was usually an open book to her, and JJ had gotten good at knowing how to calm her down or assure her when needed. Right now, though, a sliver of doubt was making its way through her body. 

JJ wanted to be enough for Emily, in every way- enough to make her feel safe and loved, to make her never question her worth or value to everyone around her. She wasn’t sure she could ever be that for Emily, but she knew she wouldn’t ever stop trying. 

Emily’s eyes were closed, her breath slow as she tried to work up the courage for something JJ couldn’t quite figure out. JJ watched as brown eyes opened, and she could see the tears that were close to falling. JJ knew that Emily had to stay, that her mother wasn’t giving her speech until later in the night, and she wasn’t sure how to make this better. 

“I can leave,” JJ was unsure as she spoke, “if that will make this easier.” 

She would leave, if Emily asked her to, and would try her best not to let her own insecurities eat her alive. Emily’s eyes widened in panic, and JJ felt relief wash over her at the fact that her absence would only make it worse. 

“Please don’t,” was all Emily could manage, still working to control her breathing and sort through the overwhelming and conflicting emotions running through her head, attempting to squash the little voice in her head that told her JJ  _ wanted _ to leave. 

Being with JJ was the best thing that had ever happened to her, she knew that, and hoped that she adequately expressed that to the blonde. Usually, Emily couldn’t contain herself around the blonde, the joy of knowing JJ loved her back overshadowing anything else. She had felt more sure of herself the last few months than ever before, and she knew being here tonight would be difficult, but Emily hadn’t expected to feel like this. 

“Can we just…” Emily said softly, vaguely gesturing to the open doors to the right that led onto the expansive back patio. 

They walked slowly, Emily taking JJ’s hand in hopes that the blonde would understand she was wanted and needed by the older woman. When she felt JJ squeeze her hand gently, Emily felt herself relax. 

When they were hit with crisp, fall air, they both let out breaths they didn’t know they were holding. Emily pulled JJ over to the far corner of the patio, walking up to the edge that overlooked the courtyard below. It was secluded, and the loud roar of the ballroom had dwindled to a low hum.

Leaning softly back against the railing, Emily took in the woman in front of her. She could tell that JJ was unsure of herself, and was sure that her own face reflected the tension she was looking at. 

“I don’t want to be here,” Emily started firmly. “It has nothing to do with you, please tell me you know that,” her voice wavering as she continued. 

“I know, Em,” she replied after a moment, and she did. “I’m sorry that this is so hard for you.”

“Being with you is easy,” Emily said as she pushed off of the railing behind her and started pacing. “It’s these people that are hard.”

JJ could tell she was annoyed at herself for letting these people get to her, that it had made things awkward between them tonight. She watched Emily walk back and forth for a minute or two, letting her release some frustration and anger that had been bottling up over the last few hours. JJ reached out a hand when Emily was close enough, stopping the brunette.

Emily turned to face her, walking closer and stepping in close and letting a hand come up to rest on JJ’s hip. Leaning forward, Emily gently let her forehead fall to the blonde's, taking in a deep breath and letting herself be calmed by the familiar feel and smell of the woman in front of her.

JJ wanted to have the right thing to say, some string of words that would ease all of the pain and hurt that Emily carried with her. Something that would take away the uncertainty and shame she knew the older woman felt when she was around her mother, but she couldn’t come up with anything. 

Instead she just spoke the truth, letting an  _ I love you, Em _ fall out of her lips and assure Emily that she wasn’t going anywhere. Emily smiled at that, letting it ground her to the reality that she was here, with the woman she loved, and everything else was background. They had finally made it to the same place, at the same time, a place she never wanted to leave.

Emily closed the few inches between them, placing a tender kiss to JJ’s lips, hoping that the younger woman could feel every ounce of love and admiration and thanks that she was pouring into it. One day Emily would figure it out, how not to let this get to her.

Right now though, she had JJ, and an inkling that maybe the love they shared would be the key to it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you mean it!! 
> 
> i love these, so much.


	5. angry kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kinda took on a mind of its own, and it turned into this!! some sweet, angsty anger. enjoy!!

It was late, too late to be driving to Emily’s house, but JJ was furious. 

A few hours ago, everything had been fine, great even. They were curled on JJ’s couch after a simple dinner they had made together, JJ pulled into Emily’s side, head pillowed against the older woman’s chest. 

It was quiet in the house, the only noise coming from the speaker in the kitchen they had neglected to turn off. Their last few cases had been hard, and with no break in between they knew they both needed time to decompress. Emily’s soothing hands were running trails up and down the blonde’s arm, a mindless task that was anchoring them both to the current moment. 

JJ couldn’t help the smile that was on her face, and she pressed her mouth into the smooth skin at Emily’s neck. She felt Emily’s arms tighten around her, and couldn’t help the rush of emotion that coursed through her body. 

She knew she loved Emily, had loved her for years before it had ever been romantic between them, but JJ knew the safety and comfort she felt right now were something different, feelings of a caliber that only Emily could give her. 

She was in love with Emily, probably had been for a while. She let the realization wash over her slowly, letting the warmth of the idea spread slowly and encompass her whole being, before lifting her head slightly to look at Emily. 

“I love you.”

JJ let the words slip out with no preamble, no build up, and moved slightly to press her lips gently against Emily’s. The reaction she was met with was not what she had expected. 

Emily’s body went rigid against JJ, a stark contrast to the pliant and perfect way their bodies had been touching moments ago. When JJ pressed their lips together a second time, she realized Emily wasn’t moving at all. 

JJ pulled away, turning slightly so she could sit up and look down at the older woman, confusion spreading across her face as she moved. She watched as Emily closed her eyes and took a slow, deep breath and scooted back slightly so she could sit up against the arm of the couch. 

Emily opened her eyes slowly, and JJ felt her stomach sink when she saw the blank, empty look in them. The air in the room was thick, tension passing between the two of them. JJ felt tears start to fill her eyes, the fear of rejection from Emily something she had never really considered.

JJ knew that Emily was guarded, had spent her whole life being disappointed by people that were supposed to “love” her, but the blonde thought they were moving past this. Emily had grown more confident in herself since they had started dating a few months ago, slowly learning to believe that she was worthy of the attention and admiration people gave her. 

JJ thought they were on the same page, she had caught the sneaky looks Emily gave her when she thought JJ wasn’t looking, and the way that Emily relaxed completely when she was around. She had been with Emily through moments of grief and fear, and of joy and excitement, and every moment she spent with the brunette had felt right. JJ felt like Emily had finally let her in, so the reaction of the other woman was shocking.

Emily started to speak, trying to push words out faster than her brain was processing the situation, but all that came out was, “I’m sorry, I can’t.” 

JJ stayed still, staring at Emily with an open mouth as she watched the brunette get up quickly, grabbing her keys as she flew out of the door. 

That was two hours ago, and JJ had spent the time between now and then letting her anger consume her. She was angry that Emily had left, sure, but she was furious at the fact that Emily was letting her fear control the situation. 

She  _ knew  _ Emily felt the same way, and had caught the brunette biting her tongue to keep the words back a few times over the last few weeks. They had worked too hard to get here, had spent years dancing around each other before they had found the courage to stop running, and she knew now she wouldn’t let Emily run away without a fight. 

She pulled up outside of Emily’s building, wasting no time hopping out and running into the lobby, giving the security guard a wave as she made her way to the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator. Out of breath by the time she reached Emily’s door, she stood still for a moment, catching her breath before closing her fist and pounding on the door. 

She could hear slow movement on the other side, and she knew that Emily would know who it was. The moment the door cracked open, JJ pushed at it and flew into the entryway and towards the kitchen, not waiting for Emily to let her in or follow. 

By the time Emily locked the door and made her way into the kitchen, JJ was pacing back and forth quickly. When the younger woman noticed her presence, she stopped moving and crossed her arms, her body almost shaking with anger.

“Why did you leave,” JJ asked firmly, letting Emily know that she was not going to get off easily in this conversation. 

Emily stood still for a moment, before gesturing towards the couch and walking over to take a seat. JJ rolled her eyes, an exasperated sigh leaving her as she moved to sit on the other end of the couch, leaving plenty of space between them. 

“I don’t think I can give you what you need,” Emily said slowly, her voice low and timid. 

JJ’s jaw dropped, eyes squinting as she shook her head slightly at Emily. 

“Why don’t you let  _ me _ decide what _ I _ need,” JJ answered as she stood up, lifting her arms in frustration. Out of all of the qualities that made up Emily Prentiss, her lack of belief in herself constantly astounded JJ the most.

Emily had amazed her from the second she stepped into the BAU- her confidence at work, the life she had lived and all the places she had seen, the way her brain seemed to be overflowing with a never ending wealth of knowledge. 

The thought that Emily had lived a life being told that she wasn’t good enough to be loved almost deflated the anger in JJ, but she continued on. She had hoped the older woman would have more confidence and trust in their relationship, in the love that JJ had for her, to overcome the fear. JJ wanted Emily to believe her when she said she loved her. 

“You don’t get to run away because you’re scared, Emily,” JJ said resolutely, coming to sit on the coffee table directly in front of Emily. She watched as Emily bit her lip, and could tell that she was coming up with her next rebuttal. 

“Jayje,” Emily started, but before she could get the rest of her sentence out JJ lunged forward and crushed their lips together, grabbing firmly to each side of the other woman’s face. Unlike last time, Emily did respond, bringing her hands up to grasp at the woman in front of her. 

JJ moved closer, putting a leg on either side of Emily and lowering herself down on her lap. She deepened the kiss, biting down on Emily’s lip harder than she normally would, her frustration and anger exploding out of her and into the kiss they were sharing. 

“Stop trying to convince yourself this isn’t going to work,” JJ said through a tight jaw when she pulled back a minute later. “I love you, Emily, I am in love with you. Why is that so hard for you to believe?” Her voice was rising as she spoke, ending her question with a loud exhale. 

JJ sat back on Emily’s thighs, putting enough space between them so that she could watch Emily process her words. The emotions she saw filter through Emily’s face dissipated some of JJ’s lingering anger. Emily looked scared, broken even, and JJ felt the rest of her irritation fall away. She loved Emily, she reminded herself, which means she loved every version of the woman, not just the ones that made it easy.

JJ raised her hand gently, bringing it to swipe at the tears falling down Emily’s cheeks, carding her fingers slowly through her hair once before letting them rest on her neck. She could tell Emily wanted to speak, so she waited patiently for the other woman to find her words.

“I’m scared,” came out so softly JJ wasn’t sure if she really heard it, but the sincerity in Emily’s eyes told her everything she needed to know. Emily pulled JJ in close, burying her face in JJ’s neck before opening her mouth and letting an _ I’m sorry  _ fall out against the blonde’s skin.

JJ let her hands cradle the back of Emily’s head, holding her in place and breathing in the familiar scent of the brunette’s shampoo. 

“I love you, Emily,” JJ said softly into silky hair, “and I’m not going anywhere.”

“I know, I promise I know that” she felt, more than heard, Emily say into her chest. 

Emily was constantly amazed by JJ, and right now, she couldn’t imagine finding someone who could ever love her better. If Emily was being honest with herself, she would have said that she fell in love about two weeks after they met and she remembered the exact moment vividly. 

They had just gotten home from a case, the team moving around the office with a practiced ease, talking about their plans to head to a sports bar down the street. Emily still wasn’t sure of her place within the team, and stayed back at her desk as the rest of the team headed to the elevator. 

JJ had turned around, noticing that Emily was missing from the group, and walked back towards the brunette. She had reached out a hand, dragging her out of her chair and looping her arm through Emily’s as she led her towards the rest of the team. 

JJ had an incredible way of making Emily feel wanted in a way no one else had, even when they hadn’t been together. She had spent her entire life in constant fear of abandonment, had watched almost everyone in her life choose someone or something over her, but the last few months with JJ had left her feeling safer than ever before. 

Hearing JJ’s declaration of love had taken her by surprise, and she panicked. It had only taken her half of the drive home to admit to herself that she was also in love with JJ. She was so angry with herself by the time she got home, tears of frustration and guilt falling freely. 

Now thought, Emily looked into JJ’s eyes and let her emotions run free, filling her eyes with the love and admiration that she had hidden for so long. JJ met her gaze with a smile, thumbs running soothing lines along Emily’s collarbones, smiling even wider when Emily returned the grin, and JJ felt emboldened by the emotions she saw on Emily’s face. 

“I love you, Emily,” she stated simply, punctuating her statement with a gentle kiss, pulling back to rest her forehead against the other woman’s. 

“I love you, too,” Emily spoke without hesitation, a soft laugh spilling out as she tilted her own head up to kiss JJ sweetly.

Emily felt liberated once the words had been spoken, like the weight of the world had been lifted off of her shoulders. She was finally accepting the love that she never thought she deserved, and felt safe enough in JJ’s arms to let the love she had hidden away flow freely. 

A surge of courage and confidence ran through Emily’s body, and she grabbed JJ’s hips, turning them so she was pushing JJ down into the couch. Now that the words had escaped her once, she couldn’t help but repeat them, and trailed open mouth kisses down JJ’s jaw and neck. 

Neither of them could contain their joy, the room filling with a chorus of  _ I love you’s _ punctuated with light laughter and the sound of lips against skin. They were in love, they figured, and even though their lives were filled with darkness and sorrow, with this at the center, they could handle anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you, mean it!!
> 
> :)


	6. i'm sorry kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I loved writing this one! It's me, so it got angsty, but it's sweet!
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

It had been a tough case for everyone, and the utter depravity they had witnessed over the last few days had them all on edge. Cases like these tested their humanity and their ability to compartmentalize and push their emotions out of the way in order to do their job safely. 

Emily had let her anger and frustration get the best of her, running after an armed suspect with little care for her own well being. She had ignored the yells from both JJ and Hotch as she sprinted into the building, her blood pumping at the thought of being too late to save the little girl they were looking for. She knew she had been lucky, escaping the incident with only a few cuts and a bruised rib, but in the moment she hadn’t been able to stop herself. 

JJ was angry, rightfully so, and they had argued back at the precinct, JJ reminding Emily that she wasn’t impervious to the dangers of the job. Emily argued that the ends justified that means, pointing out the fact that they had saved a life today. JJ had deflated in front of Emily, knowing she couldn’t fully express the depths of fear and anger that she was feeling towards her girlfriend.

They had reached a stalemate in the lobby of the precinct, and were silent in the back of the SUV as Hotch drove them all back to the hotel. Emily watched JJ’s anger boil as they stood quietly in the elevator, giving Hotch a soft nod before the two women stepped off and headed down the hallway. He shot back a small smile of understanding, knowing all too well the strain this job put on a relationship. 

The door swung open violently, thudding against the wall as they walked back into their shared hotel room. JJ and Emily walked into the room in silence, tossing their bags onto the king-sized bed. Emily moved across the room to a plush chair, sitting down to start working at her boots, when she realized that JJ was staring at her. 

“I know you saved a life today, Emily, and I don’t want to belittle that,” she started, taking a slow breath before continuing, “but I need you to realize that your life is not expendable, we need you here.”

Emily’s chest tightened when she heard JJ’s voice crack, tears starting to spill down the blonde’s cheeks. JJ wiped at them quickly, annoyed that this conversation was happening again.

They had fought about this before, a few times in fact- Emily always chastising JJ for treating her like a child, reminding the younger woman that she was an adult that could take care of herself. JJ would always leave the conversations feeling invalidated and unheard, her eyes shining a little less bright than before, and Emily would be left to try and make sense of it all. 

_ Jayje _ , Emily whispered, not sure how to respond. She had spent her whole life not sure that anyone would care if she was gone, and that translated into some foolishly brave actions when it came to this job. 

“I’m going to take a shower,” JJ said after a few minutes of silence, tired of waiting for Emily to say something. She knew that Emily would catch the strain in her voice, and moved quickly to turn on the shower to mask the noise of the sobs she knew were coming. 

She loved Emily, and knew that Emily loved her. The statement had been shared between them a million times, but JJ had a hard time believing it when Emily’s actions stated otherwise. She wouldn’t make it if Emily died, and didn’t know how the brunette could be selfish enough to run head first into life-threatening situations without so much as a second thought. 

She stripped out of her clothes, tossing them onto the floor before stepping into the large shower, letting the hot water and steam consume her. JJ lasted a few minutes before the weight of the day actually caught up with her. There had been a gunshot today, and for a split second today, she had thought Emily was dead. 

A shiver ran down her spine when she remembered the way her whole body had seemed to stop functioning, her limbs so heavy that she couldn’t move, never seeming to be able to get enough air into her lungs. The panic and grief she had felt then came rushing back to her now, and she sunk down onto the tile floor, wrapping her arms around her knees and finally let herself fall apart. 

Seconds after JJ had walked into the bathroom, Emily’s brain had caught up to the reality of the situation. She had been telling herself for months that JJ wanted to control her, but in the silence of the hotel room she let herself consider a different option. 

Her own insecurities seemed insurmountable at times, and she still had a hard time believing that she was worthy of the love that her team showed her. There was always a small voice in the back of her head telling her she wasn’t enough, that she could never be enough, but over the last ten months she had heard it less and less. 

It hit her then that JJ  _ showed _ her more love than words could ever convey. Every perfectly timed soft touch or cup of coffee was a testament to the love and commitment JJ had for Emily. Emily knew that she was genuine and sincere every time she told JJ she loved her, nothing could change that, but she asked herself if her actions were aligned with her sentiments. 

She knew that every time she ran into a dangerous situation, or failed to take necessary precautions, she was putting her own life at risk, it hadn’t really sunk in until now that she was also carrying JJ’s wellbeing with her.

Emily thought about the few times JJ had been in harm’s way, the fear and aching that came along with the idea of the younger woman no longer being in her life. 

She got up slowly, trading her blazer and work pants for some cotton underwear and an oversized t-shirt. She debated going to check on JJ and letting the woman know that she was sorry, but figured she would give her some space before they continued their conversation.

When she heard a sob from the bathroom, thoughts of giving her space flew out the window. She walked quickly, heart clenching when she saw that the door wasn’t closed all the way, only cracked- she hesitated for a moment before pushing at the wood and stepping in.

JJ hadn’t heard her come in, and Emily saw her small form on the floor of the shower, back heaving with every sob. Emily’s felt her own tears start to fall, angry at herself for being the cause of the pain she could see in JJ. 

She took a few steps forward, pulling at the glass door and stepping in the shower without any care for the clothes she was wearing. JJ’s head lifted slightly, eyes red and swollen, a defeated look on her face as she met Emily’s gaze. Sitting down next to JJ, she pulled the smaller woman into her arms, both of their tears mingling with the water rushing down on them. 

JJ moved after a few minutes of silence, throwing a leg over Emily so that she could sink down onto the woman’s lap. She let her arms fall around Emily’s neck, her head coming to rest on the slope of her neck, and placed a soft kiss at the skin she found. 

“I’m so sorry,” Emily whispered between slow breaths, trying her best to reign in her own grief and sadness. 

JJ pulled her head back so she could look into Emily’s eyes as she spoke. 

“You scared me, Emily,” she spoke through tears, “when we heard the shot I thought you were dead.”

Emily let out a quick breath, sure now that her previous conclusions had been correct. She didn’t know what else to say, knew that it would take time for her actions to match the words she spoke to JJ. 

“I’m so sorry,” were the only words she could form, letting her hands cradle JJ’s head and pressing her lips gently against the other woman's. She tried to pour everything she was feeling into the kiss, taking her time and leaving a trail of  _ I’m sorry’s  _ down JJ’s jaw and neck.

The kiss ebbed and flowed from slow and gentle to passionate and frenzied, both women needing a tangible reminder that they were here, together. JJ slowed the kiss down eventually, moving her lips to press a kiss to Emily’s cheeks, leaving one on her forehead before pulling back. 

“I love you,” she told Emily, her words resolute and firm, “but you have to start being careful.”

Emily nodded slowly, letting herself be anchored to the moment by the soft fingers running through her wet hair. 

“I promise,” Emily responded after a few moments of deep thought. She wanted a lifetime with JJ, and she knew that started with making sure she was around to live it. 

It wouldn’t be easy, and they both knew the road ahead of them would be riddled with challenges, but right now sharing kissing and sweet words underneath the slowly cooling water of the shower, they felt like they might just have a shot. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you, mean it! 
> 
> see you again soon!


	7. i missed you kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "i missed you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason I cannot seem to write something that is not angsty these days! It ends well, I promise!

Their fight had been explosive, a mix of pent-up anger and miscommunication that had culminated in a nasty exchange of heated words that neither of them had really meant. After a particularly nasty retort thrown at JJ, Emily had watched as the blonde seemed to lose every ounce of fight she had left. JJ’s shoulders sank, her eyes filling with tears that looked hopeless more than sad as she turned to leave. 

Emily knew she had gone too far the second the words had slipped out of her mouth, and watching the way JJ’s face crumbled only solidified that. She had pushed out an  _ I’m sorry _ as fast as she could, but it was too late. The tears on JJ’s face had finally started falling, and Emily felt her own start to fall as she had watched JJ walk out of her house. 

She had sat in her living room all night, willing the front door to open and the blonde to walk back into her life. She knew she didn’t deserve it, she was the one that had taken it too far. The fight had been her fault too, she supposed, having spent the last few weeks pulling away from her girlfriend after someone had brought up the idea of marriage. 

They had been together for over a year, had loved each other much longer than that, but for some reason the comment had found a home deep in her mind, along with an onslaught of fear and doubt. Commitment had never been her strong suit, and she had spent her whole life convinced she wasn’t worth someone’s loyalty, and the mention of a lifelong commitment had dredged up the past more than she cared to admit. 

JJ had brought it up after a particularly tense dinner, asking Emily what was so terrible about the thought of marriage with her. It had only escalated from there, accusations and raised voices filling the room as they talked. She had tried to will herself out of the house and into her car, wishing that she had the courage to drive across town to JJ’s house. She hadn’t been able to, her insecurity getting the best of her, and by the end of the night she had convinced herself she had finally pushed JJ away for good. 

That had been three days ago, and she hadn’t heard from the blonde since she had walked out. Emily had called Hotch the morning after JJ had left, asking for a few sick days. She knew he didn’t buy her story, but he had always been able to see through her defenses, and had given her the days without question. 

Emily had an understanding of human behavior on a level that usually seemed like a blessing, but spending the last few days facing her own had seemed like more of a curse. She knew she was in the wrong in this situation, JJ deserved commitment, and if she couldn’t give that to her the least she could do is communicate that clearly. 

But she did want commitment with JJ, truly there was nothing she could think of that she wanted more. When she thought of the different paths her life could take over the next few years, the only constant was that JJ always seemed to be there. 

Her chest had tightened painfully at the thought that she had been the reason that particular future was no longer an option, but a well timed check-in from Penelope had done wonders for her confidence. Penelope always had a way of speaking that made Emily believe whatever she was saying, and this time had been no different. 

Pen had barged in, her eyes full of passion and a tinge of sympathy, clearly having just left JJ’s with a plan to unleash some well intentioned anger on Emily. It had only taken one look at Emily’s red-rimmed eyes and heavy demeanor to change her mind, opting to listen to Emily’s own pain first. 

Penelope had spoken some harsh truths, but by the time she left, Emily knew she needed to talk to JJ. She had let her own insecurities come between them, had been keeping it all to herself out of fear that JJ wouldn’t want a lifelong commitment with someone so damaged. But she wasn’t damaged goods, Penelope had been sure to tell her that multiple times in the last few hours. 

_ Everyone has baggage,  _ she had said softly to Emily,  _ and it’s not weak to let someone else help carry it every once in a while.  _

So now she was sitting in her car outside of JJ’s house, her knuckles white from how hard she was gripping the steering wheel in front of her. Emily took a few steadying breaths before stepping out of the car and walking to JJ’s door, her hand shaking as she gave a tentative knock.

She could hear JJ shuffling around, and Emily held her breath as the door swung open into the house. Emily could feel her chest tighten at the pain that still lingered on JJ’s face, her whole presence feeling somber and heavy. 

JJ didn’t move for a few moments, letting her eyes take in the woman on her porch. She had wanted nothing more than to see Emily on her doorstep for the last few days, but now that it was actually happening she couldn’t seem to push away the fear of getting hurt again. 

“Can I come in?” Emily asked quietly. This home had become a refuge of sorts over the last year, but right now Emily felt unsure and out of place.

JJ’s shoulders dropped and she stepped out of the way, letting Emily walk into the house without saying a word. She took a breath and closed the door gently before turning back into the house, trying to calm her nerves for whatever conversation was to come. 

Since she had walked out of Emily’s house, she had spent almost all of her time wondering how she would ever move on if this was really the end. She had hoped she could be enough for Emily, that she could somehow convince the woman that she was worthy of a lifetime of love and commitment, that she wasn’t going to walk out on her when things got hard. 

But she had walked out, and she still wasn’t sure where that left them. JJ had decided they were at a crossroads, that they could either move forward together, or go their separate ways. She knew that neither of them could predict the future, and she was sure their lives would be filled with unexpected challenges, but she wanted to face them with Emily by her side. 

JJ pushed off the door, walking into the living room where the older woman was already seated on the couch, her hands wringing in her lap. JJ moved to sit in the chair that faced the sofa, knowing that she needed space if she was going to make it through this conversation without breaking down. 

She considered Emily for a few moments, and could see with certainty that the last few days apart hadn’t been kind to the older woman either. She looked heavy, like more than just the weight of her own emotions was pressing down on her, but there was a determination in her eyes that ignited the smallest bit of hope somewhere deep within JJ. 

“I’m sorry,” Emily started, her voice coming out timid and shaky. She squinted her eyes and pursed her lips, a telltale sign that she was trying to carefully choose the words that were to follow. “I was afraid, I am afraid.” 

JJ moved to speak, wanting to know just what was so scary about the thought of being married to her, but Emily continued before she could interject. 

“You have to know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me,” she said, her eyes never leaving JJ’s face, the emotions in her eyes a testament to the sincerity she was speaking with. “Even after all this time, it’s still hard for me to believe that you could ever possibly want this.” 

“Emily...” JJ whispered at the pained look that was now clearly visible on Emily’s face. No matter her own anger at the situation, she knew that the wounds ran deep. She stopped herself from reaching out to comfort Emily when she saw that she was talking again, her outstretched hand falling to her own lap instead. 

“I’ve never wanted anything more than I want to spend my life with you, Jayje.” Her voice was getting stronger, the conviction behind her words evident as she spoke. “I said things I didn’t mean because I was scared, and I’m sorry for that. I think I’ve spent my whole life just waiting for people to realize I wasn’t worth it.”

JJ did interrupt this time, feeling the anger inside of her give way to something more tender. 

“Emily, you have to let  _ me  _ decide whether it’s worth it or not, you don’t get to make that choice for me.” 

Emily moved her gaze up from her lap to meet JJ’s eyes, the unshed tears she found there making them shine an even brighter blue than normal. Her mouth opened, but she couldn’t seem to string enough words together to convey how sorry she was. 

“I love you, Emily, and I want to be with you, but I need to know that you are in this with me. I don’t think I can want it enough for both of us.” Any trace of anger inside of JJ’s left as she finished, and she moved to sit on the coffee table directly in front of Emily. “You’re here, and I know you’re not cruel enough to give me false hope. So please, just tell me where your head is at.”

JJ finally let herself reach out to touch the other woman, letting her fingers push some hair behind Emily’s ear and stroking her cheek before coming to rest against her neck. Emily was crying now, and could feel JJ’s thumb gently swiping some of the tears off of her cheek. 

Emily leaned into JJ’s hand, letting herself seek comfort from the one person she had wanted it from for the last few days. Being with JJ had always made Emily feel safe, and the blonde had always had a way of making it seem like nothing could ever hurt her again. The fact that Emily had almost lost that took her breath away. She let her own hand come up to cover JJ’s, the feeling of their fingers tangling together bringing Emily back to the present moment. 

“I want a life with you, more than anything,” she spoke quietly, but with a confidence that JJ hadn’t heard before when it came to their future together. Emily turned her face in JJ’s hand, pressing a soft kiss to her palm before pulling JJ in closer. 

JJ stood up from where she had been sitting, moving a leg on either side of Emily, letting her arms come around the brunette’s neck as she sank down into the woman’s lap. Her hands moved to pass slowly through Emily’s hair, a small smile forming on her face. 

Emily let her head fall onto JJ’s chest, breathing in deeply and letting the blonde’s presence consume her. Pressing a chorus of  _ I’m sorry’s  _ against the fabric of JJ’s sweater, Emily let visions of shared life pass through her head. She had almost lost this, and the gravity of the situation wasn’t something she would be forgetting anytime soon. 

She sat back, letting her head fall against the couch as she stared up at JJ. What she had ever done to deserve this woman she would never know, but she wasn’t going to question it again. 

Reaching her own hand up to cradle JJ’s head, she closed the space between them, pressing their lips together in a kiss that she hoped conveyed the love and admiration she was feeling for the woman. She let her free hand snake around JJ’s lower back, wanting their bodies to be as close as possible, and let herself get lost in the kiss. After a few minutes, she pulled back, letting her forehead come to rest against JJ’s, unable to control the smile that had spread across her features. 

“I missed you,” Emily whispered, like it was a secret she was sharing with the woman she loved, punctuating her statement with a kiss more passionate than the last. Soon the room was filled with heavy breathing and wandering hands, JJ pushing Emily to lay down, her own body squeezed between Emily’s and the back of the couch. 

It could have been minutes or hours later that they finally broke apart, and JJ moved to lay her head on Emily’s chest, their arms pulling each other in close. JJ still felt fragile, and knew that she would need some time to convince herself that tonight hadn’t been a hopeful dream. JJ could feel her eyes getting heavy, the comfort and relief of having Emily next to her overshadowing the pain and heartache she had felt the last few days. 

She could feel Emily’s breathing evening out, and placed one last kiss to the brunette’s jaw and she pulled the blanket off of the back of the couch and covered them both. 

“I missed you, too,” JJ whispered into Emily’s chest softly, letting herself be lulled to sleep by the slow, even breaths of the woman she loved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you mean it!!
> 
> thanks for all the love on this story, it is so fun to write!
> 
> be back soon with the next kiss :)


	8. seductive kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> haha so um, this one really ran away, and started as one idea and ended as another. probs not exaaaactly what you’d think of with this prompt, but it’s sweet i promise :)

The case they had been working on was in DC, and JJ had been in Penelope’s office when the news came in of what had happened. 

_ She’s fine, but they’re taking her to the hospital now _ , she had heard from the phone sitting on the desk in front of them.

Her mind immediately went blank, cloudy with panic and shock at what she had heard. They’d talked about this before, the possibility of one of them getting hurt in the field, it had happened before- but the fear was different now that they were together. 

The world seemed to move in slow motion after that, and JJ did her best to control her reaction. It had only been six months that they had  _ officially _ been dating, though unofficially it felt like they had been together since they met. The rest of the team didn’t know yet, both of them wanting to be sure they could make it work before bringing the outside world into it. 

They pulled up at the entrance to the emergency room, and JJ quickly walked into the waiting area just past the sliding glass door. She saw Hotch and Morgan sitting down across the room, both of them looking calmer than she knew she did, but she found some relief in the way they didn’t seem to be panicked. 

“Where is she, what happened?” JJ heard herself say, her voice coming out quick and frantic, and any one of them would notice she was trying to hold back her tears. 

The two men in front of her stood up, Derek reaching a hand out to rest on JJ’s shoulder. 

“She’s fine, Rossi is with her now,” he said slowly, keeping his voice calm and gentle, “she got pretty banged up, but they ran some tests to rule out anything serious.” 

“Can I see her?”

JJ didn’t really care if she sounded desperate right now, she wanted to see for herself that Emily was okay. Needed the physical confirmation that the woman she loved was safe.

“Of course. She was asking for you,” Hotch answered, a smile of understanding crossing his face briefly. “She’s still asleep, but they said she would be fine with visitors.”

The second she heard Hotch tell her the room number, she took off down the wide hallway behind them, unbothered by the knowing looks both men had thrown her way.

Rossi was standing outside of the room at a nurse’s station talking to a doctor when she turned the corner, and he gave her a small wave as he nodded his head towards the room Emily was in. JJ lifted her own hand in acknowledgement and stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. 

Emily was propped up on the bed, her dark hard contrasting harshly against the white of the linen underneath her. Her eyes were closed and her breaths were even, and JJ let herself the rise and fall of her chest for a few moments, letting relief wash over her. 

For the first time since she had heard the news, JJ let the tears in her eyes fall. Her need to see Emily had filled her with adrenaline for the last hour, and now that the woman was in front of her she found herself unable to hold it together any longer. 

The last few months flew through her head, all of her memories filled with laughter and genuine smiles on both of their faces. Their time together had been incredible, absolutely more than either of them could have ever hoped for. The depravity and evil they saw on a daily basis seemed lighter lately, and neither of them were naive enough to think it didn’t have something to do with the other. 

Walking up closer, she reached a hand out to run through dark, messy hair, pushing it out of Emily’s face and behind her ears. She passed her thumb across a butterfly bandage that was holding together a cut on Emily’s cheek, letting her eyes wander and catalog the rest of the injuries she could see.JJ let herself sit down next to Emily’s hip, the machines in the room reminding her that Emily was alive with every low beep. 

She let her mind wander again, back to a few nights ago, before the case, when they had been curled up together on Emily’s couch, the last remnants of a fire crackling in the brick fireplace across the room. JJ had been resting her head on Emily’s chest when she felt the older woman stiffen suddenly. Her head had tilted back, bringing Emily’s face fully into her view, as she asked what was wrong. 

Emily’s eyes had been wide, but it looked more like awe than fear. She was silent for a little too long, and JJ had been a few seconds away from repeating her question when Emily finally strung a few words together. 

“I think I am in love with you,” she had whispered before pressing their lips together. JJ had been shocked, her own insecurities telling her that there was no one a woman like Emily Prentiss could ever love her. 

She had always been in awe of Emily, even before they had been together. Emily was elegant and classy, she had traveled and seen the world, grown up in foreign countries and expensive boarding schools. She was incredible, and JJ couldn’t help but think that she could never be interesting enough to keep Emily’s attention for long. So she had just kissed her back, letting her touches speak for her. 

Sitting here, now, on Emily’s hospital bed, she wanted nothing more than to go back to that moment and tell the other woman how she felt. 

_ Of course she loved her _ , probably had for years, and all she could think of now was how things could have gone differently today. They had dangerous jobs, any one of their team members could be gone in a moment, and she felt the weight of that reality crash down around her. 

JJ was pulled out of her thoughts by movement next to her, and she saw Emily shift a little, her eyes opening and closing slowly as they adjusted to the bright lights in the room. A slow smile spread on her pale face when she saw JJ sitting next to her. Emily moved to sit up, but a soreness in her side stopped her from moving too much, a flash of pain crossing her face as she slumped back down onto the hospital bed. 

“What happened,” she asked, her voice dry and raspy, her words slurry slightly.

“I don’t actually know,” JJ answered with a small laugh of disbelief, trying to sort through the information she had heard in the car ride over, only now realizing that she hadn’t retained any of it. 

A nurse came in then, probably alerted of Emily waking up by one of the many wires attached to her right now. JJ stepped away from the bed, letting the nurse do her job, and listened intently as the woman explained the pain medicine Emily would be receiving and its effects. She moved around the IV bags and gave Emily a once over before leaving the room.

_ Mmm _ , was all Emily said in response to the medicine now flowing through her as she moved over to the far side of the bed, lifting the blankets up and patting the empty space next to her. JJ moved gently to slip in next to her, no part of her caring that anyone could walk in- she needed this, they could deal with the consequences later. 

JJ rolled on her side to face Emily, a hand coming up to trace smooth and gentle lines down her cheek and jaw. Emily tried to focus on the feeling of JJ’s fingers on her skin and make sense of her current situation, but her mind couldn’t seem to connect the events of her day. 

She figured it didn’t matter- she was alive, with JJ next to her, so she wasn’t sure she could ask for anything more. She reached out an arm and pulled JJ in closer to her body, wanting to feel the warmth of the blonde against her, and the younger woman came willingly. 

“I’m glad you’re okay,” JJ whispered, her voice coming out softer and less sure than she wanted it to, and Emily could tell that today’s events had scared JJ. Their faces were only a few inches apart, and JJ was looking at Emily with an intensity that the older woman hadn’t seen before.

“You guys can’t get rid of me that easily,” she answered, trying to coax a smile or laugh out of the blonde. 

“I love you, Emily.” The words came out quickly, JJ blurting them out before Emily could even finish what she was saying, letting the rest of her words follow just as fast. “I should have said it that night on the couch, and I didn’t because I was scared, and then you got hurt today and all I could think about was worst case scenarios and how you could have  _ died _ without knowing that I loved you…”

JJ was rambling and Emily’s brain was trying hard to keep up. Her mind was foggier now, partly from the words that had just fallen out of JJ’s mouth and partly from the drugs she knew were coursing through her system, but the whole world seemed to shrink down to the hospital bed they were on.

She had dreamed of hearing those words from JJ forever, had been trying to talk herself off the ledge since she had spoken them to her a few nights ago. She hadn’t pressed then, knowing that they both had their reservations and insecurities, but the whispers of anxiety had followed her into every moment since then. 

She stopped JJ with her lips, pressing them gently against the younger woman’s. JJ responded quickly, needing the contact just as much as Emily did, and slipped her hand into messy dark hair, careful to avoid and of the bruises she knew lined the older woman’s cheek. 

Emily let her own hand fall down onto JJ’s lower back, ghosting along the dip of her spine before settling on denim covered curves. If she was in a right state of mind, she would have stopped, brought her hand to a more respectable location and saved this for later. But she wasn’t, so she didn’t. 

Her singular focus was on the woman next to her, and with a finesse neither of them expected, she pushed JJ back and covered the smaller woman’s body with her own. Her body felt light now, the pain gone, and all she could comprehend was the pure elation she was feeling. 

_ You love me,  _ Emily pressed into JJ’s lips, the words coming out breathy and full of wonder. JJ was of more sound mind and recognized where they were, but couldn’t make herself push Emily away. 

JJ let herself smile, truly, for the first time since she had heard about Emily, a joyful  _ yes  _ slipping past her lips and onto Emily’s. Emily returned the kiss with a fervor now, their bodies aligning perfectly, the feel of each other doing wonders to alleviate the anxiety from their days. 

For reasons Emily couldn’t quite grasp, she felt like JJ was holding back- so she caught JJ’s bottom lip between her teeth and bit down gently, hoping she would understand where Emily wanted this to go. 

Emily soothed the spot softly before pushing past JJ’s lips with her tongue, a soft sigh falling out of the blonde’s mouth as she did. After a few moments she moved back, trailing her open mouth down JJ’s jaw and neck, proud of the noises she was drawing out.

She felt JJ’s body push up into her own, trying to increase the friction and pressure they were both after, and the blonde’s hands found purchase in Emily’s hair, holding her tightly where she was pressing kisses on her collarbones. JJ gasped again, but this time it was accompanied by her hands pulling at Emily’s head, bringing her face up so their eyes would meet. 

“We are not having sex in your hospital bed,” she said, her voice less firm and more breathy than she had hoped it would be, and she saw as Emily slowly grasped the reality of the situation. 

“Fair enough,” Emily answered with a laugh, leaning back down to press a gentle kiss to JJ’s mouth, and then nose before pulling. She was about to say something when the door to her room opened, and Emily just assumed it was the nurse again, making little effort to move off of JJ. 

“Well it’s good to know you’ve still got it, Prentiss, you had us worried for a second” Derek spoke loudly as he entered the room, laughing at the scene in front of him but not able to hide the smile on his face. Rossi was next to him, a matching grin on his face. 

JJ shot up at his voice, her arms coming up quickly to make sure Emily wasn’t jostled too much by her movement, and glared at the men that were standing across from them. Emily moved off of JJ, clumsily coming to sit in her original spot as JJ scooted up and off the bed, pulling her shirt down from where it had ridden up around her ribs. 

“Obviously not if I can’t get my girlfriend to sleep with me,” Emily replied, her filter and best judgement long gone, face full of confusion and annoyance. JJ let her head fall into her hands and could feel the flush she knew was covering her face. 

“Girlfriend, huh?” Rossi shot back, moving to wrap an arm around JJ’s shoulders. “You don’t say.”

It was clear from both men’s expression that they had known for some time, or at least suspected, and JJ found herself wishing she had some of the same drugs Emily was on in order to make it through this conversation. 

“We love each other,” Emily slurred out, and the control she had over her words at this point was almost nonexistent. She had leaned back against the bed, her eyes closed as she spoke, but the smile spreading on her face was genuine as she recalled JJ’s admission. 

“Emily, please stop talking,” JJ groaned from behind her hands, praying to every deity she could think of that she was anywhere but here. 

Morgan and Rossi glanced at each other with raised eyebrows and twin smirks, obviously enjoying the interaction they were witnessing. Based on the slow beeps of the heart rate monitor, JJ was sure that Emily had fallen back asleep, and raised her head to meet the men’s gaze as Derek spoke again.

“I can’t believe you guys thought you could keep this from us, but we are all happy for you two,” he teased. “I promise I’ll try my best to make sure she comes home to you.”

His voice had grown serious, and JJ smiled at his obvious love and affection for both of them. 

“Thank you,” she responded simply, not sure what else to say. The men left a few minutes later, telling JJ that they would let everyone know Emily was in good hands but that she didn’t need any more visitors for that day. 

JJ had no doubts that the rest of their little family would know before the night was over, and reached to silence her phone in preparation for the barrage of texts she knew Penelope would be sending her way. 

Climbing back onto the bed next to Emily, smiling when the older woman gravitated naturally to burrow into JJ’s body. She let her fingers slowly rake through smooth, dark hair, her heart full of gratitude and peace at how this day had turned out. 

Their team was their family, one that loved fiercely and unconditionally, and JJ found the thought of them knowing about their relationship comforting. The team had been looking out for them as individuals for years, and she knew they would look after the two of them together with the same tenacity. 

As she let herself be calmed by the evening breathing of the woman laying against her chest, she found she wasn’t really anxious about their future- she loved Emily, and Emily loved her back, everything else just seemed like background. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> love you mean it! 
> 
> drop a review or kudos if you wanna :)


	9. war's end kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sooooo, this one is kind of not really the prompt, but i just took the "spin around and dip the other person and kiss them" as the prompt haha

Emily and JJ were aimlessly wandering and taking advantage of the uncharacteristically warmth and sunshine that surrounded them. Paris in the springtime was beautiful, even more so when enjoyed with someone you love, and JJ couldn’t stop the smile from spreading on her face as she let Emily pull her by her fingertips through the city. 

It had been a year and a half since they had been here last, and it wasn’t lost on either of them how lucky they were to be here now, together. 

JJ remembered their first trip here vividly, was sure that she wouldn’t ever forget a moment of it. The emotions of those few weeks still caught her off guard sometimes- the whispered declarations and hurried touches, the tears and the heartbreak that came from having to leave a home she had just found. 

She had sat in the cafe until it closed, the image of Emily walking away replaying in her mind until a voice had told her they were closing up for the night. 

She couldn’t bring herself to sleep that night- the smell of Emily had lingered in the room, on the sheets and few pieces of clothing she had left behind, all of it an assault on JJ’s already fragile heart. She had felt aimless as she packed up and said goodbye to the city that had changed everything, and the weight of what she was leaving behind settled firmly into place on her heart. 

Her life had moved on autopilot after that, everything seeming dull and lifeless and heavy without Emily there, and JJ couldn’t stop the hopelessness from taking over. She had known Emily was safe, sure, but now that she knew what it felt like to be loved by Emily, she knew she wouldn’t be able to feel whole while she was gone. 

Ten weeks had passed- ten weeks of empty beds and quiet houses and experiences that seemed dull with Emily’s laughter. JJ had used the key Emily had given her for emergencies to let herself into the older woman’s home, finding comfort in the familiarity of the space. At first she had just taken a few things back to her own home, but after a few weeks she let herself fall asleep in Emily’s bed and hadn’t slept at home since. 

She had found a journal on Emily’s nightstand but hadn’t had the nerve to open it at first, scared that hearing Emily’s voice, even through scribbled words on a page, might be too much for her to handle. After a particularly hard week, JJ had burrowed herself into Emily’s bed and opened up the journal, letting herself get lost in the way the other agent had viewed the world around them. 

Some of the entries were seemingly unimportant, filled with a quip that had made her laugh from Garcia or a foreign film recommendation from Spencer, and JJ let Emily’s words engulf her. Other entries weren’t filled with quite as much innocent joy, the horrors of their lives and jobs seeping out onto the lined pages. JJ had run her fingers over smudges and rough sections of the paper, her own tears mingling with the dried ones Emily had spilled in the same places. This one only went back about six months, and JJ found herself longing for more.

They had communicated through online scrabble carefully, never using specifics or details that could lead either of them into harm’s way, but it became a refuge for them both. JJ had told Emily she found her journal, the guilt of reading it without permission far overshadowed by her own curiosity, and the older woman had given her the location of the rest.

She spent the next few days lost in Emily’s world, shocked with the honesty and eloquence the other woman had possessed as she had processed their world through her writing. 

There were entries about JJ, too, and after the first few she had come across she had made herself start from the beginning. Reading their friendship through the words Emily had poured into these pages, JJ let the words complete her own memories, and her world felt a little more whole. 

It comforted her to know that Emily had felt the same way as she had for just as long, if not longer. The way Emily wrote about the time they spent together was reverent, and JJ found herself in awe of the depth of Emily’s love, and more confident in the two of them then she ever had before.

Their love for each other was solid, built on a foundation of friendship and trust that was unmatched, but their time there had been rushed, every touch and kiss felt frantic and urgent, shared by two people who were scared of what came next. No comfort felt like enough in that hotel room, no words spoken seemed to take the edge off the reality of the situation.

But now, when Emily was on the other side of the world, she was comforting JJ in a way she never could have dreamed of, a realization that carried JJ into the first restful night of sleep she had enjoyed in a month. 

And then Emily had come back, and the fog that had surrounded her for ten weeks left as quickly as it had come. 

That was a year ago, and now she was here, being pulled down onto a park bench next to the woman she loved. 

“You’ve been zoned out for the last ten minutes,” Emily spoke quietly, her hand coming up and swiping a strand of blonde hair behind JJ’s ear before letting it rest against her neck. “Where did you go?”

“Just thinking about the last time we were here,” JJ started, turning her body to face Emily fully. “How different things are now, how glad I am that we made it this far.”

They  _ had _ made it far, both of them slipping easily into the shared life they now lived, but it hadn’t all been easy, old insecurities and fears popping up along the way- but the love they had for each other was genuine, something that they both knew they were lucky to have, and they’d be damned to let it go without a fight. 

Emily hummed a thoughtful agreement, her thumb rubbing the skin underneath it gently. A look of wonder painted her face, and JJ was glad that the old woman was just as taken aback by this as she was. 

JJ reached up to grab Emily’s hand on her neck, tangling their fingers together and standing up. She knew Emily had only stopped because JJ wasn’t paying attention, but she was back in the moment now and wanted to continue their leisurely exploration. 

They hadn’t really seen anything the last time they were here together other than their hotel and a small park that was really more an empty patch of grass than anything else. Emily had slowly explored the city after JJ had left, gaining confidence in her safety as the days passed, writing down all the places she would bring the younger woman when she had the chance. 

And that’s what they were doing now, checking things off of the crumpled piece of paper Emily had kept safe. 

They had enjoyed a slow breakfast at a small cafe that Emily had frequented, and JJ was surprised when the older man behind the counter greeted them as they walked in. He had grabbed Emily’s face in his hands, the look on his face one of pride and fatherly admiration, kissing her on both cheeks before turning to JJ and doing the same. 

She watched as they spoke in French, his eyes drifting to JJ every once in a while, and she couldn’t help but notice the way Emily’s cheeks seemed to flush. He had given Emily a gentle hug and squeeze on the shoulder, before nodding at JJ and walking away. When she had asked what the man said, she had just gotten a sly smile in return and an “ _oh, nothing_ ” before Emily had led them to a small table in the corner. 

The rest of the day had been simple and intimate in a sweet way, the two of them walking along the river and stopping in at different vintage stores and bookshops, Emily sharing stories of people she had met and places she had seen during her time in the city. 

They had gotten a late lunch from a street vendor, and started walking with no destination in mind, but JJ could tell Emily was thinking about something, so she let herself be guided. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that JJ realized where they were- outside of the cafe Emily and JJ had said goodbye at. 

The sun was setting, the sky full of gentle pinks and oranges, filling the world with a gentle vibrance- and they could feel the lingering warmth of the sun on their skin, a stark contrast to the cold and dark night of the last time they had been here. JJ watched Emily squint her eyes, her face twisting a little bit at the memories that came with this place, and was sure her own face mirrored it. No matter the outcome of the choices they had made or the words they had spoken, the hurt and pain still lingered. 

JJ pulled at the hand that was still intertwined with her own, bringing Emily in close and tucking her head into the older woman’s neck. They stood there for a while, enjoying the sounds of the city around them, before JJ heard Emily speak.

“I love you,” she said sincerely, like it was the most important thing she ever could have shared, and JJ felt her pull her more tightly into her chest. “I feel like I’ve been pinching myself for a year, trying to convince myself this is real.”

JJ knew how she felt. 

When JJ had watched Emily walk away a year ago, the pain of uncertainty had almost buried her, and neither of them would have guessed they would be lucky enough to be back here, together and strong, a year later. 

JJ leaned back, bringing her hands up to cradle Emily’s face, and gently pressed their lips together before pulling back to whisper, “I love you, too, Emily. So much,” before leaving another gently kiss on Emily’s lips. 

Emily pulled back suddenly, surprising JJ, and pulling them across the street into an empty park. JJ was confused, but Emily seemed determined, and her demeanor had JJ slightly worried. 

After a minute or two, she stopped walking, and JJ took in the way Emily seemed to be breathing more quickly than she should. JJ started to ask what was wrong when she was interrupted.

“Remember that man from the cafe this morning?” Emily asked, her eyes lighting up at the memory, the same flush returning to her face that JJ had seen this morning. JJ just nodded, not sure where this was going. 

“I met him when I was here last time. The first time I went to that shop was the day after you left, and I was clearly sad and he noticed,” she continued quickly. “He asked me what was wrong and for some reason I just told him everything.” 

JJ’s eyes went wide, worried now that Emily had shared too much about who she was or why she had been in Paris.

“Well, not  _ everything,  _ but everything about  _ you, _ ” Emily added when she saw the younger woman’s worry. “I went back almost every day, and we talked and he told me how his wife had passed away a few months before. I don’t know why I shared so much, but he was someone who understood the pain of losing someone you loved.”  Emily’s eyes were starting to fill with tears, but JJ could tell they were mostly tears of thankfulness and fondness at the memories she was sharing. 

“When I knew I was coming back to the states, I went one last time and he gave me something that he made me promise I would give to you, and this morning when we walked back in he asked me about it.”

JJ hadn’t noticed the small pouch Emily had pulled out of the bag she had been carrying all day, and watched as the older woman reached in and brought out a dainty silver ring. It was beautiful, and unique, a tasteful diamond in the center, and JJ felt herself gasp. 

“I had it resized to fit you the second I got back home, but I’ve just been waiting for the right time. I didn’t really plan on even doing this today, I brought it because I wanted to show him that I still had it and planned on giving it to you soon…” 

Emily stopped for a second, taking a deep breath and using her free hand to cradle JJ’s cheek. 

“Jayje, I love you, and I don’t think I’ll ever have the right words to tell you how much, but I can’t think of anything else I could possibly need when I have you, and I want that forever.”   


She held up the ring in between them, the soft light catching it and casting a warm glow through the diamond. JJ’s smile was the brightest Emily had ever seen, and tears were falling slowly down her cheeks. 

“Is there a question in there?” JJ said through a watery smile, proud of herself for not letting Emily get away without formally asking her the question she had wanted to hear for the better part of a year.

“Jennifer Jareau, will you marry me?” 

JJ launched herself into Emily’s arms, pressing a  _ yes  _ onto Emily’s lips before stepping back quickly, sticking her hand out so Emily could slide the ring onto her finger. 

It fit perfectly, of course, and she admired it for only a moment before Emily swept her into her arms again, melding their mouths together and spinning JJ around once before dipping her back and kissing her soundly and slowly standing them both back up straight. 

Resting their foreheads together, they weren’t able to contain their joy, teary laughter and smiles filling the space between them. 

It had been a long time coming, the two of them, but every moment had led to this, and both of them couldn't help but think they were the luckiest two people in the world. Being together felt like the most natural thing in the world, but being able to reclaim the city that had filled them both with so much grief felt even better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heheh YAY FOR LOVE AND ENGAGEMENTS
> 
> love you, mean it!!


	10. "goodbye kiss"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> paris. goobyes. i love you's. the whole shabang.

Dragging her small suitcase behind her, JJ stepped out into the soft morning light, feeling the sun on her skin for the first time in days. She’d always thought her first time in Paris would be with a lover, but no part of her could have ever dreamt up circumstances like these. 

They hadn’t left the hotel more than a handful of times in the last ten days. At first they’d been too scared to venture out into the city, finding safety and comfort in the small world they had created in their rooms- the trauma of the last few weeks too fresh to want to tempt fate any more than they had to.

Then came the late night tears and whispered admission between the two of them- secrets had been shared and feelings brought into the light and everything had changed. The room that had felt suffocating now felt vast and sprawling, a space for them to bask in both the familiarity and newness they found in each other. 

She’d never forget how it felt like everything the whole world had seemed to shift the first time she’d heard Emily say  _ I love you _ , or the way her heart had stopped when their lips first touched. 

They’d spent ten days building something special between them, both actively ignoring the simple fact that the rest of the world still existed- all the obstacles and danger that waited for them outside of their room unimportant in their quest to make the most of the time they did have. 

They both knew it wasn’t forever. That JJ would have to go back home and pretend Emily was dead. That Emily would have to stay here, alone, and wait patiently for a time where it would be safe for her to come back- and the weight of it all seemed almost insurmountable. 

It could be weeks, or months, or years until that happened- and after getting caught up in endless ‘what-ifs’, they had come to a mutual agreement to not talk about it until they had to. 

In between angst-filled conversations and mutual fear, their time had been full of laughter and joy and a comfort and safety neither of them had felt before. Just being together, in all senses of the word, was something neither of them had ever imagined would come to fruition.

They’d spent hours on their tiny balcony, sitting on the bench with JJ’s head in Emily’s lap, regaling stories and memories and falling a little more in love after each. Emily painted a picture of her life growing up, and JJ did the same- it wasn’t lost on either of them how different their worlds had been, and how lucky they were to have ended up in the same place at all. 

JJ’s return flight was looming and large, a dark cloud that hung over the last few days they spent together. They stayed in their room exclusively, ordering in for every meal and rarely leaving the solace of the other’s arms. 

They became more pensive, more introspective- spending most of their time together communicating with comfortable touches and letting their mouths attempt to convey their emotions without words. 

JJ hadn’t been able to fully let all of her worries go, to tell Emily that of course she loved her back, and had just hoped the gentle caresses and touches had spoken loud enough. Every day the words had tried to slip free, to spread out across the space between them and slip the final piece of  _ them  _ into place, and every day the little voice inside of her had stopped them from coming out. 

Her brain had been telling her that she was just protecting herself from a loss she knew she’d never recover from. But now, standing on the sidewalk in front of the hotel that had changed everything, she knew that she was already too far gone.

The realization of what she had withheld hit her all at once, her chest tightening almost painfully at the thought that she was leaving Emily without ever having fully shared how she felt. Obviously Emily knew her well enough to know that she wouldn’t have been a willing participant in the times they had shared the last few weeks unless she was emotionally invested, but she had deserved to know. 

They’d both been quiet this morning, but JJ could still feel the whispered  _ I love you  _ that Emily had pressed into the side of her head when they had hugged goodbye. She already held that moment dearly, and the idea that Emily didn’t have anything to hold onto made her stomach drop.

Turning around quickly, she walked back into the hotel and through the lobby, pressing the button to call the elevator with a little more aggression than necessary. 

How she had held it all back she didn’t know, because now it felt like the words were trying to force themselves out of every part of her body. She glanced at her watch, distracted while she mentally calculated how long she had until she absolutely needed to leave to make her flight.

The doors opened and she got in quickly, pressing the button for the seventh floor and shuffling back and forth on her feet while the cart moved slowly. Hurrying down the hallway and knocking softly on the door, she felt like her chest was going to explode while she waited. 

A few seconds later she heard Emily come to the door, a few seconds passing as she was sure the older woman was looking through the peephole, and felt her whole body relax as the door swung open. 

“Jayje, what’s wrong?” Emily was confused, the look on her face full of questions and a mild bit of panic, all understandable with the events of the previous weeks still on her mind. 

JJ didn’t answer, instead reaching out and cradling Emily’s face between her hands, pulling her in close and pressing their lips together for a brief moment. Pulling back, she regarded Emily with the same awe she knew had painted her face for the last ten days, and finally let her heart win the battle that her brain had been waging. 

“I love you, Emily,” she said simply, like it was the easiest thing in the world. And it was. 

The smile that lit up Emily’s face was something that JJ wanted to commit to memory. It was a look filled with so much joy and hope that JJ knew if she could catalog it exactly, she would be able to wait however long it took for Emily to come back home. 

The next kiss felt different. Realistically, they knew they were the same two people, mapping the same bodies with wandering touches that they had been for the last few weeks, but it felt like so much more. 

JJ moved more fully into the room, and Emily walked them far enough backward to get them both on the inside of the door, pushing JJ back into it as it closed. JJ pulled back after a few minutes, breathless and unable to contain the sheer admiration on her face.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner,” she said quietly, pushing Emily’s hair back behind her ear as she spoke. “I couldn’t leave without telling you.” 

She moved to kiss Emily again, softer this time, taking care to catalog the exact way Emily’s hands felt in her hair and the way her tongue felt against her lips. They let the kiss end naturally, their foreheads resting against each other, both holding on tighter than necessary. 

They stood that way for a while, arms twined tightly around the other’s body, knowing this would be the last time they were able to for a while. 

“I don’t want to leave,” JJ whispered, tears pooling in her eyes as she rested her head back against the door and looked up at Emily. 

“I don’t want you to leave either,” Emily answered truthfully, “but it’s not forever, I’ll be home before you know it.”

She wanted to believe that, but they were both crying now, the reality of their separation settling heavily on both of them, and Emily leaned in gently to press her lips against JJ’s again. 

JJ felt, more than heard, the goodbye that fell from Emily’s lips, and wished more than anything that it didn’t have to be like this. That she didn’t have to go home to a life where Emily was gone, where she wouldn’t wake up tangled in the sheets with the woman she loved. 

A life where the rest of the world thought that Emily was never coming back. 

She didn’t want to watch their family try and move on from Emily- how could anyone move on from a loss like that?

Shaking herself out of those thoughts, she kissed her way along Emily’s jaw before tucking her head into the slope of the older woman’s neck.

“Bye, Em,” she whispered into the soft skin there. 

With that, she straightened up, letting Emily wipe the tears off her cheek as she straightened her shirt and moved to open the door. Walking out into the hallway, she turned around to look at Emily one last time. 

“I love you,” Emily said easily, a sad smile on her face as she dropped JJ’s hand from where their fingers had been tangled together. 

“I love you, too,” were the last words that Emily heard as she watched JJ walk down the hallway. 

Later than night, when the panic of sleeping alone for the first time started to creep in, she let herself play the memory of those words over and over again, smiling at the fact that no matter how hard the coming weeks and months were going to be, at least she had that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so ya! love ya mean it!

**Author's Note:**

> love you mean it!!


End file.
